


How to Have Nightmares (and Recover)

by sadzemnianwizard



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dreams and Nightmares, Graphic Description, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Other, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:01:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24386371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadzemnianwizard/pseuds/sadzemnianwizard
Summary: For Caleb, nightmares are regular - an all-too-familiar part of a routine, but one he has grown to hate. Molly helps him recover.
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf & Caleb Widogast, Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast
Kudos: 92





	How to Have Nightmares (and Recover)

**Author's Note:**

> It's 4:30am and this hasn't been beta'd. But welcome to coping mechanisms with Atlas!
> 
> CONTENT WARNING: Graphic descriptions of death (fire, asphyxiation, burning, explosions, blood); nightmares. Self-deprecation, but very on-brand for Caleb. Scars mentioned.

Caleb Widogast was all too familiar with the smell of burning flesh. The wood infrastructure of the house creaked, grating his bones as his family screamed. He could see the pain in the eyes of his  _ Mutter _ , tears evaporating before they even had the chance to fall. His father wrapped himself around her, pulling her close. His eyes bored into Bren, hatred and pain and sorrow and fear mingling together into an expression that made it clear that he no longer recognized his son. 

The blaze pulled the skin of his - Caleb’s? Bren’s? - face tight as he stared numbly at the scene unfolding in front of him. Some part of his mind noted that he had fallen to his knees, but the sensation of rocks and dirt digging into his knees didn’t register.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder, jolting him out of his haze just enough to hear Trent Ikithon’s voice echoing through his mind.  _ “This blood is on your hands, Bren.” _

He looked down at his own hands, fire dancing between his fingers as blood pooled in his open palms. The numerous cuts up and down his arms glowed with red-orange light, flickering in time with his racing heart. His eyes watered, indiscernible as to sorrow or smoke, and the drops of wetness sizzled as they landed on his skin. 

_ “Their deaths are on your conscience.” _

He looked up again, but the inferno was gone. Instead, he found himself staring at Caduceus, ensnared in thorny vines. He watched in silence as the vines constricted, vines tightening around Caduceus’s throat as dozens of foot-long thorns slowly pierced his skin, letting out a strangled screech. In his last moment, Caduceus locked eyes with Bren as the light died from his eyes, his cry choking off into silence. The vines grew around Caduceus, consuming his body. 

A voice boomed through his mind, but it was Caduceus’s low rumble, filled with more hatred than he had known to be possible.  _ “You did this.” _

He blinked, and the corpse of Caduceus was replaced by Jester. Her blue skin flared, pale green light seeping through every pore. What was once a holy light burned her from the inside out, blinding him as it blazed from within. She screamed, light pouring from her mouth as she arched painfully backwards. Just when he thought he could bear no more, the light vanished, along with Jester. 

_ “Stupid. Worthless. Weak.”  _ Jetser spoke matter-of-factly, her voice cheery, despite the harrowing words. 

In an instant, Jester was replaced by Fjord. The half-orc scrabbled at his throat, strangled noises escaping. His gold eyes flashed with panic as he reached out, choking out a plea for help before he collapsed. Bren watched, paralyzed, as his friend was asphyxiated before him. He strained, trying to reach out or to say something,  _ anything _ , but to no avail. The darkness seemed to wrap around Fjord, absorbing him into the gloom. 

From the nothingness, Fjord’s drawl echoed.  _ “You deserve only pain.” _

Thunder boomed overhead. Yasha appeared before him. Muted lights flashed above, and lightning split the darkness and struck her. She screamed in pain and rage; her barely visible silhouette fell to its knees. The smell of ozone filled the air. She looked towards Bren with an almost knowing smile. Another round of thunder rumbled through his bones as another bolt of lightning struck. Her roar of pain echoed, but when the lightning-blindness faded, she was gone. Obliterated. 

Yasha’s quiet voice wove its way through his mind.  _ “Murderer.” _

Yasha’s muscular form was replaced by tiny Nott. “Caleb!” Her raspy voice cried out in fear. His voice caught in his throat again, still locked in silence. Before he could fully react, there was an explosion. Nott screeched, the familiar sound darkened by pain as the blast stung his face. 

_ “This could have been avoided.” _ Her gravelly voice shredded his soul - if he had one at this point. 

As the smoke cleared, Beau lay where Nott had stood. She lay in a pool of her own blood, beaten and bruised. Her knuckles, smeared with blood, were wrapped around a blade that was embedded in her stomach. She managed to prop herself up on her elbow enough to stare directly at him, blue eyes hardened. After a moment, she spit blood with a mirthless laugh before collapsing. As she slumped, her body vanished, as if falling off a precipice.

Her low voice scraped against his soul, grating away at what was left of his sanity.  _ “If only you had stayed away.” _

Molly materialized inches in front of Bren. His kaleidoscopic coat was falling apart, corners still burning. Gold jewelry melted into purple skin - skin which was singed and blackened. His tattoos were marred by deep burns as he curled into himself, tail coiling in. His face turned up towards Bren, pupilless red eyes boring into him.

_ “You bring nothing but death.” _

* * *

Caleb awoke with a scream ripped from his throat, the smell of burning flesh lingering in his nose as the smoke settled in his lungs. He raked his nails up and down his arms, fingers catching on bandages. The chorus of voices echoed through his ears, and his throat tightened, vision darkening as his heart pounded. His magic raced through him, flames scorching his veins and singeing every nerve. He stumbled out of his tent, blinded by panic. 

“Whoa, there, Caleb.” Molly appeared in front of him, hands hovering over his shoulders, not quite touching. 

Caleb curled in on himself, eyes unfocused but staring at the fire. 

“I hardly need to ask. I think it’s fairly obvious that you’re not okay. Come sit?”

He nodded. Molly placed his hand on his upper arm to guide him. Caleb flinched on instinct, but Molly’s touch was so different, so  _ gentle _ . Molly danced around the fire for a moment, then Caleb felt a cup of tea being pushed into his hands. It burned, just enough to ground him, and the floral scent made its way through the smoke. 

“Nightmare?” Molly peered at Caleb, hands absentmindedly shuffling his tarot deck. 

_ Scheiße. _

“It is nothing, Mollymauk.  _ Bitte _ , do not worry yourself on my account.” Caleb stared resolutely into his tea. 

“I’ve dealt with plenty of nightmares,” Molly said, pressing on. “And I’ve seen enough to know it when I see it.”

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb sighed. “What gave it away?”

Molly flicked three cards out of the deck - the Sun, the Three of Swords, and the Tower. “The cards told me.”

Caleb quirked an eyebrow at Molly. “You will have to forgive me, Mollymauk, if I am skeptical of such things.”

“Why, Caleb, you doubt the cards? Let me do a reading for you, and we’ll see how you feel then.” Molly smiled, splaying hands and cards with a dazzling grin. 

“ _ Nein, bitte, _ I do not wish for anyone to be poking around my past or future.” Caleb let out a mirthless laugh. 

“Ah well,” Molly said with a chuckle, before his smile faded. “I will admit, your scream scared me a little.”

Caleb immediately ducked his head apologetically. “ _ Tut mir leid,  _ Mollymauk. You should not have heard that. I am sorry for bothering you.” 

“It’s no bother,” Molly replied easily. “But I’ve had enough nightmares to know that it’s nicer to have someone with you on the other side.”

“I would not know,” Caleb admitted. “I do not normally have someone on the other side.”

“And now you do. I won’t make you talk about it, but if you want to, I’m here.” Molly drank deeply from his own cup of tea. “That’s good shit.”

Caleb sat quietly for a moment, finger scratching the side of the cup. “I do not deserve such things,” he stated quietly. 

“Caleb-”

Caleb cut him off before he could continue. “I am a bad person, Mollymauk. I am a garbage human who has done many terrible things, and I do not deserve such things.”

Molly paused for a heartbeat. “Caleb, can I touch you?”

“Yes,” Caleb said, unsure of where this was going. 

As soon as the word left his mouth, Molly plucked the teacup out of his hand, setting both of them on the ground, and Caleb found himself wrapped in a tight hug. After a moment, he cautiously returned it, gently placing his arms around Molly.

“You are not a bad person, Caleb,” Molly murmured, still hugging him tightly. “It may be true, that you’ve done some bad things, but everyone has done some bad things. And I don’t believe that you are any less deserving of support because of those things.” He pressed a kiss to Caleb’s forehead. 

“It is- I am-” Caleb took a deep breath. “I am tired of seeing the people I care about hurt, especially by my own hand.”

Molly’s eyes softened, but not out of pity, as Caleb had expected. It was a look of understanding. Without the need for words, Caleb knew that Molly had experienced the same thing. 

Caleb sighed, the faintest of smiles flickering across his face. “If you would like to go to sleep, Molly, I would be happy to cover the rest of the watch.”

“I was going to say the same thing to you,” Molly shot back. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to go back to sleep.”

“As am I,” Caleb replied. “I am rarely able to sleep again after such things.”

“It seems we’ve got that in common as well,” Molly said with a little laugh. “Since that’s the case, would you be willing to try something?”

Caleb paused for a moment, then nodded. “You have been good to me, Mollymauk. I will trust you.”

“Thank you, Caleb,” Molly said with a gentle smile. “For trusting me. Now, lay down and put your head next to my leg. On my lap, if you’re comfortable with it.”

It took some maneuvering, but Caleb found himself comfortable on the ground next to Mollymauk, head resting lightly on his thigh. 

“I’m going to touch your head now, Caleb.”

Molly wove his fingers through Caleb’s hair. His claws scratched lightly at his scalp, tracing through the copper locks. The abstract design was no arcane pattern, but Caleb found himself relaxing into the touch. 

As his eyes fluttered shut, Caleb murmured, “ _ Danke, _ Molly. I was richer for having known you, friend.”

And with that, he drifted into a dreamless sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> That last line is from "Liam's Quest: Full Circle!", which I would highly recommend for those who enjoy Lovecraftian Horror. Thank you for reading. 
> 
> Friendly reminder to stretch, drink some water, eat a snack, and sleep if you haven't! (And on that note, _I'm_ going to sleep.)


End file.
